Of star carpets and furry books
It has been a "dry" semester. Pessimism seem to be the rule of my thoughts. Sometimes even while hearing a great sermon, I can't help but squirm inside when my thoughts poison the very little faith I have left.
"Oh..what's the difference if you feel empowered now? After you walk out of the door and when you open your books, you'd feel defeated again?"
"Look at the juniors. Worry for them! Do you know when your juniors commit regularly to CF/CG they'll be exhausted and dry like you?"
"Yes, you can sing and lift up your hands now during worship. Even close your eyes and feel good. But you know yourself better. You'd fail and complain against God within this week!"
"You are a leader that who's sometimes not very sure of 'prayer' or 'faith' or even the purpose of the existence of CF?"
Yes. I must be real even as I tell people around me to be real.
Even if it puts me in the tight spot. Especially, especially as a leader.
Sigh....
Yes. I do get skeptical. About life. About faith.
So what has these got to do with star carpets and furry books?
You see, today I visited Borders. After a long, long hiatus of shopping alone, I finally had the time to lepak alone. (yea I actually enjoy this...haha...explains why I think too much)
I was feeling just a bit jaded about exams, ministry, bgr and life.
Just stepping into the bookstore was a breath of fresh air. You can just smell the scent of fresh paper tightly bound...mingled with the faint aroma of fresh coffee brewing in the nearby Starbucks outlet. With soft jazz music and books, lovely books all around.
Normally I would grab a book? or some mags? and browse through....
But today...somehow I was drawn to go to the kids section. Yea, the kids section.
It was at first slightly weird...with children and their parents all around....and stars printed in the velvety blue carpet....
But hey...no sweat! I just felt a wash of familitry and comfort as my eyes scanned through the covers of some books. I remember being young. When I would look forward to feasting my eyes on the beautifully coloured pictures. Or be whisked away in the fairy tale romance of sleeping beauty (without going...yea right...where got can sleep for 100 years? and Mr Prince Charming?...gah...mana ada such thing).
I remember how as a child I would look forward to nights where my dad read about Jesus and Lazarus. Or go wide eyed when I read in a science book that vinegar mixed with baking soda with a dash of red colouring could mimic a volcano! (My friends and I actually tried it..really works..but terrible smell!)
I remember when I was simply amazed when I learnt in Sunday School that Jesus could feed 5000 men with 2 fish and 5 loaves. Remember the kids bible with colourful visuals? Where Jesus had a beard and a kind smile? And how we would sing "Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so." With a full, trusting heart.
Sitting crosslegged on the blue carpet amidst the chatter and laughter of 5 year olds I read a book that had a furry covering that told the tale of a lion. I picked another by Max Lucado which was a twist on Pinnochio relating to our Christian faith. There was another about a 10 year old angsty girl who doesn't like the guy next to her in class and who hates to eat cornflakes. And Dr Seuss books.
I felt young, light again. Happy. Trusting.
Truly, I realized, what He said was right. We need child like faith.
I guess sometimes...we just need to learn to see the colours of life a bit more vividly. And trust God to write beautiful love stories. Or simply laugh with Him. Enjoy learning along with Him in a story called life. Go wide eyed as He blesses us with surprises like the surprises in pop-up books. Or simply bask in His love as He tells us stories of His goodness.
Only now...that story is real.
"Oh..what's the difference if you feel empowered now? After you walk out of the door and when you open your books, you'd feel defeated again?"
"Look at the juniors. Worry for them! Do you know when your juniors commit regularly to CF/CG they'll be exhausted and dry like you?"
"Yes, you can sing and lift up your hands now during worship. Even close your eyes and feel good. But you know yourself better. You'd fail and complain against God within this week!"
"You are a leader that who's sometimes not very sure of 'prayer' or 'faith' or even the purpose of the existence of CF?"
Yes. I must be real even as I tell people around me to be real.
Even if it puts me in the tight spot. Especially, especially as a leader.
Sigh....
Yes. I do get skeptical. About life. About faith.
So what has these got to do with star carpets and furry books?
You see, today I visited Borders. After a long, long hiatus of shopping alone, I finally had the time to lepak alone. (yea I actually enjoy this...haha...explains why I think too much)
I was feeling just a bit jaded about exams, ministry, bgr and life.
Just stepping into the bookstore was a breath of fresh air. You can just smell the scent of fresh paper tightly bound...mingled with the faint aroma of fresh coffee brewing in the nearby Starbucks outlet. With soft jazz music and books, lovely books all around.
Normally I would grab a book? or some mags? and browse through....
But today...somehow I was drawn to go to the kids section. Yea, the kids section.
It was at first slightly weird...with children and their parents all around....and stars printed in the velvety blue carpet....
But hey...no sweat! I just felt a wash of familitry and comfort as my eyes scanned through the covers of some books. I remember being young. When I would look forward to feasting my eyes on the beautifully coloured pictures. Or be whisked away in the fairy tale romance of sleeping beauty (without going...yea right...where got can sleep for 100 years? and Mr Prince Charming?...gah...mana ada such thing).
I remember how as a child I would look forward to nights where my dad read about Jesus and Lazarus. Or go wide eyed when I read in a science book that vinegar mixed with baking soda with a dash of red colouring could mimic a volcano! (My friends and I actually tried it..really works..but terrible smell!)
I remember when I was simply amazed when I learnt in Sunday School that Jesus could feed 5000 men with 2 fish and 5 loaves. Remember the kids bible with colourful visuals? Where Jesus had a beard and a kind smile? And how we would sing "Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so." With a full, trusting heart.
Sitting crosslegged on the blue carpet amidst the chatter and laughter of 5 year olds I read a book that had a furry covering that told the tale of a lion. I picked another by Max Lucado which was a twist on Pinnochio relating to our Christian faith. There was another about a 10 year old angsty girl who doesn't like the guy next to her in class and who hates to eat cornflakes. And Dr Seuss books.
I felt young, light again. Happy. Trusting.
Truly, I realized, what He said was right. We need child like faith.
I guess sometimes...we just need to learn to see the colours of life a bit more vividly. And trust God to write beautiful love stories. Or simply laugh with Him. Enjoy learning along with Him in a story called life. Go wide eyed as He blesses us with surprises like the surprises in pop-up books. Or simply bask in His love as He tells us stories of His goodness.
We need to sit crosslegged again and laugh. Eat ice cream. Giggle. Put our small hands in his strong yet gentle hand.
Yes, to be a child again. Where Dad would read a story...and thrill us with interesting journey with dragons and fire but a brave Prince fighting on; with a nail bitting climax that seem to be almost lost but then "ah ha!" always ends with a great ending where the Prince triumphs.Only now...that story is real.
posted by Sarah at 11:20 AM
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