An observation on hope
Sometime ago I read this from somewhere I don't remember, haha...but basically it was a comment from a reporting journalist.
When he looked at the refugees from the war, the one thing that struck him the most was not their tarred clothings, nor their emmicated state or their jutting bones over their dry skin, though those were jarring enough. It was their eyes. Not because their eyes were tired or tear filled. But that their eyes had loss the spark of hope. Just a blank look. It almost seemed as they have given up on life. Merely existing, not living.
Hope is prominent in Christian life. After all, if it's not for the hope of heaven, a better tomorrow, a world free of tears and suffering; the hope of eternity with Jesus, the message of Salvation would not appeal to our wounded souls. It is hope that keeps us going rite?
I've come to realize that I have a problem with this thing called hope. It's either I hope too much, or I don't hope at all.
The thing is if you hope too much, you'd be disappointed. Things don't turn out the way you hope them to be. Being human and all, when things go wrong, it does disappoint and hurt. And it's a terrible feeling to be disappointed in God because you love him (imperfectly but love nonetherless) and you know that He is good. But the disappointed feelings still linger.
Then because you don't want to be disappointed in God, you choose not to hope. After all, disappointments are unmet expectations. No expectations, means no disappointments. No disappointments with God is a good thing right?
Which brings me back to the comment by the journalist. The refugess had lost hope. Not because they wanted to, but because it was just too tiring, too hearbreaking to hope. It's not easy to hope and have it dashed, only to rise up and hope again, then to have some other calamity burn it again..and to move on and hope..then to have another disaster happen...the cycle. It's a self-defense mechanism to let go of hope.
When you don't hope, you no longer feel sad when hope is not what you hoped for. Yet, it would mean, you no longer feel at all.
And I know it because in some sense I've learnt that the hard way this semester. As a hardened semester 5 medical student (haha!) I ceased to hope because I was just tired of the cycle when hope disappointed. It's better to feel nothing at all then to feel crushed right? True, I no longer felt sad when I didn't hope, because the prevailing attitude was..."Bad things happen, part of life, so whatever la." Or "doesn't matter what's going on." "So what if that and that country is in war?" "People are evil. Period. I can't do anything, so why should I care?" "I just want to finish sem 5 and get away from IMU as fast as possible, forget everything here man!"
My heart no longer bled because it was calloused. But it meant that I was existing, not living. I no longer looked forward to life. No anticipation. Just a prevaling sense of cynicism. Skeptisim. Being someone I dislike the most, an indifferent person. No longer believing in love. In dreams. In happiness. In the good of mankind. In the beauty of this world. In change.
And guess what, the lack of hope in God, in life also signals the lack of trust in His plans for my life.
I imagine that Hannah would have felt the same way. Year after year crying to God for a child? A child she so desperately wanted, and was even willing to give God? Some more get scolded by the high priest? Was it even wrong for a woman to desire to be a mother? She could have just chose to be skeptical and forget everything. Why still hope? Yet she persisted. And God blessed her.
And I realize, hope is not pretty, but hope is beautiful. Hope is never pretty because it may not have a sharp nose, or deep set eyes, perfect mouth, great skin. But hope is beautiful because hope has eyes that are gentle, mouth that speaks comforting words...in short, beauty that transends time.
Yes, it may hurt to hope at times and not everything we hope for will come true. But to feel would mean that you are alive. They say the first to go in concentration camps are those who have lost all hope.
So yea, by choosing to hope, I might risk my feelings more. I might cry more about injustice. I may hurt more when I feel about people. I might be sad when I see unfairness going around. I might be discouraged when the change I want to see don't happen. I might tear when I read another book. Things may not go the way I'd hope it to be. I might be disappointed at times.
But at least, I'd be alive. Alive to feel. Alive to receive from Him and alive enough to give away. And his grace is sufficient for me; even when I am disappointed in Him. He will pick me up again and give me enough hope to hope on. He will mold misplaced hopes, and craft promising ones.
If there's anyone I'd risk hope with, I'd risk it with God. He knows what to do with my hopes. So hope on. Hope on in Him! Never stop believing that truly, truly He has good plans for your life, and plans to prosper you and give you a good future.
When he looked at the refugees from the war, the one thing that struck him the most was not their tarred clothings, nor their emmicated state or their jutting bones over their dry skin, though those were jarring enough. It was their eyes. Not because their eyes were tired or tear filled. But that their eyes had loss the spark of hope. Just a blank look. It almost seemed as they have given up on life. Merely existing, not living.
Hope is prominent in Christian life. After all, if it's not for the hope of heaven, a better tomorrow, a world free of tears and suffering; the hope of eternity with Jesus, the message of Salvation would not appeal to our wounded souls. It is hope that keeps us going rite?
I've come to realize that I have a problem with this thing called hope. It's either I hope too much, or I don't hope at all.
The thing is if you hope too much, you'd be disappointed. Things don't turn out the way you hope them to be. Being human and all, when things go wrong, it does disappoint and hurt. And it's a terrible feeling to be disappointed in God because you love him (imperfectly but love nonetherless) and you know that He is good. But the disappointed feelings still linger.
Then because you don't want to be disappointed in God, you choose not to hope. After all, disappointments are unmet expectations. No expectations, means no disappointments. No disappointments with God is a good thing right?
Which brings me back to the comment by the journalist. The refugess had lost hope. Not because they wanted to, but because it was just too tiring, too hearbreaking to hope. It's not easy to hope and have it dashed, only to rise up and hope again, then to have some other calamity burn it again..and to move on and hope..then to have another disaster happen...the cycle. It's a self-defense mechanism to let go of hope.
When you don't hope, you no longer feel sad when hope is not what you hoped for. Yet, it would mean, you no longer feel at all.
And I know it because in some sense I've learnt that the hard way this semester. As a hardened semester 5 medical student (haha!) I ceased to hope because I was just tired of the cycle when hope disappointed. It's better to feel nothing at all then to feel crushed right? True, I no longer felt sad when I didn't hope, because the prevailing attitude was..."Bad things happen, part of life, so whatever la." Or "doesn't matter what's going on." "So what if that and that country is in war?" "People are evil. Period. I can't do anything, so why should I care?" "I just want to finish sem 5 and get away from IMU as fast as possible, forget everything here man!"
My heart no longer bled because it was calloused. But it meant that I was existing, not living. I no longer looked forward to life. No anticipation. Just a prevaling sense of cynicism. Skeptisim. Being someone I dislike the most, an indifferent person. No longer believing in love. In dreams. In happiness. In the good of mankind. In the beauty of this world. In change.
And guess what, the lack of hope in God, in life also signals the lack of trust in His plans for my life.
I imagine that Hannah would have felt the same way. Year after year crying to God for a child? A child she so desperately wanted, and was even willing to give God? Some more get scolded by the high priest? Was it even wrong for a woman to desire to be a mother? She could have just chose to be skeptical and forget everything. Why still hope? Yet she persisted. And God blessed her.
And I realize, hope is not pretty, but hope is beautiful. Hope is never pretty because it may not have a sharp nose, or deep set eyes, perfect mouth, great skin. But hope is beautiful because hope has eyes that are gentle, mouth that speaks comforting words...in short, beauty that transends time.
Yes, it may hurt to hope at times and not everything we hope for will come true. But to feel would mean that you are alive. They say the first to go in concentration camps are those who have lost all hope.
So yea, by choosing to hope, I might risk my feelings more. I might cry more about injustice. I may hurt more when I feel about people. I might be sad when I see unfairness going around. I might be discouraged when the change I want to see don't happen. I might tear when I read another book. Things may not go the way I'd hope it to be. I might be disappointed at times.
But at least, I'd be alive. Alive to feel. Alive to receive from Him and alive enough to give away. And his grace is sufficient for me; even when I am disappointed in Him. He will pick me up again and give me enough hope to hope on. He will mold misplaced hopes, and craft promising ones.
If there's anyone I'd risk hope with, I'd risk it with God. He knows what to do with my hopes. So hope on. Hope on in Him! Never stop believing that truly, truly He has good plans for your life, and plans to prosper you and give you a good future.
posted by Sarah at 10:31 AM
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