Pay it..

Have you ever argued with the cashier in a supermarket for charging you Rm1 for a bar of chocolate that has the price tag of RM1?
Have you ever haggled with the cashier in Carrefour for a 50% discount on your total purchases?

We don't hestitate to pay money at the cash register for the purchases that we want to make. We willingly part with our cash because we know that we are paying for something we selected and volunterily agreed to buy for the price printed.

But, it is different when it comes to God. I realize that I have been short changing God lately. I don't want to pay the price of the things I have selected. I want those things but am not willing to pay the cost. Other times, I want to own those things in perfect new condition but am not willing to pay full price and buzz God for a discount instead. Even worst, sometimes I feel that God is short changing me for the price I am paying.

I am so reminded lately that there IS a price to pay to follow Jesus. There's no discounts or special offers. We cannot haggle with God to lower down the cost. There's no paying in instalments either.

If we want to live a pure life, we have to pay the cost of purity.
If we want to seek God, we have to forsake ourselves.
If we want God to move, we must pay the price of repentence and obedience.
If we want to see God revel Himself, we must sacrifice and wait upon Him.

At times we see others paying a lesser price for a similar item but of lower quality and we become reluctant to pay the full price for the item we need. Sometimes we want too many things and run out of money to pay for all the things we want.

But there is no short cuts in Christian life.
If we truly say that we desire to do things God's way, we have to pay God's price.

Jesus said to the young rich ruler, if you want to follow me, give up all your possessions and follow me. And he was reluctant for he owned a lot and the price was too high to pay.

I am humbled because I want to do certain things in my life as I feel its God's purpose for me. Yet I realize that I have not been willing to pay the full price of it all. I have been haggling with God too much.

I know by my own weak weak strength I cannot give up the good things in life that are stopping me from pursuing the better things in life. I need Him. Because the heart is deceptive beyond measure.

Guard me from myself Lord.

No facade

I feel very vulnerable, stupid and exposed......

aiyo~

how the proud has fallen in

Head wars

I seldom, if rarely make decisions I regret.
It doesn't mean that I make great decisions though; but simply that I never embark on decisions that are risky and only take decisions that are fool proof.

Yet it also doesn't mean that I don't have impulses or emotions. I do feel...okay? haha...
I am not always quiet, calm and composed.
My silence is often not brought about by the lack of things to say,
but merely the resolution that I won't say anything out of line.

Thus most of the time, I end up having a war in my cerebral cortex. It almost seems as if there are two people residing in my head...

"Just go for it la...you think too much."
"No, think of the long term consequences...cannot one la."
"Think, think, think only...you'd end up unhappy."
"But we must think before we act, cannot make rash decisions."
"But life must take some risks sometimes..."
"But life is also about making wise choices..."
"You only live once."
"Because I only live once I must make sure I don't mess up!"


and on and on and on..

of course, most of the time the sensible side wins...(which is not a bad thing)
but at times at the expense of the free and happy side...

i am aware that some of my unhappiness in life steems from my own decisions to deny certain issues, certain emotions, certain reactions..

which is not entirely wrong...as we can't go around ruled by impulses or emotions alone...

yet I know this is getting way way out of hand...it's almost as if i'm robotic, deviod, and ..aloof?

especially when my mum (parents of all people would be the 1st to tell their children to be sensible, mature etc) tells me..."please be a bit more childish."
and my aunty says..."you must be a bit less matured..cuz you are too matured already, very very scary...unapproacable"

*disclaimer..i'm not trying to propagate the fact that i am very matured. hahaha...I didn't pay them to say those lines.....*

I don't know. I guess I must learn to be a bit...(but just a bit...not too much!!! ..haha) less cautious.
To risk losing a bit more...yet at the same time risk receiveing when the risk of losing is taken.