Head wars

I seldom, if rarely make decisions I regret.
It doesn't mean that I make great decisions though; but simply that I never embark on decisions that are risky and only take decisions that are fool proof.

Yet it also doesn't mean that I don't have impulses or emotions. I do feel...okay? haha...
I am not always quiet, calm and composed.
My silence is often not brought about by the lack of things to say,
but merely the resolution that I won't say anything out of line.

Thus most of the time, I end up having a war in my cerebral cortex. It almost seems as if there are two people residing in my head...

"Just go for it la...you think too much."
"No, think of the long term consequences...cannot one la."
"Think, think, think only...you'd end up unhappy."
"But we must think before we act, cannot make rash decisions."
"But life must take some risks sometimes..."
"But life is also about making wise choices..."
"You only live once."
"Because I only live once I must make sure I don't mess up!"


and on and on and on..

of course, most of the time the sensible side wins...(which is not a bad thing)
but at times at the expense of the free and happy side...

i am aware that some of my unhappiness in life steems from my own decisions to deny certain issues, certain emotions, certain reactions..

which is not entirely wrong...as we can't go around ruled by impulses or emotions alone...

yet I know this is getting way way out of hand...it's almost as if i'm robotic, deviod, and ..aloof?

especially when my mum (parents of all people would be the 1st to tell their children to be sensible, mature etc) tells me..."please be a bit more childish."
and my aunty says..."you must be a bit less matured..cuz you are too matured already, very very scary...unapproacable"

*disclaimer..i'm not trying to propagate the fact that i am very matured. hahaha...I didn't pay them to say those lines.....*

I don't know. I guess I must learn to be a bit...(but just a bit...not too much!!! ..haha) less cautious.
To risk losing a bit more...yet at the same time risk receiveing when the risk of losing is taken.