Ironic

Yea. It's kind of ironic.

Right now at this point of my Christian life, I can say this...

"I've never been more unsure of my faith, yet I've never been more sure of my faith either."

Right now....
I feel as if I have never been closer to God than ever, and yet also, further than God than ever.
I believe so much, yet I also doubt so much.
I've never have had so much peace over my own questions, yet I've never have had so much confusion over my own questions.
I'm so tired of all this Christian stuff, yet I'm energetic for all this Christian stuff.
I'm terribly unsure of what I say, yet I'm very sure that's what I want to say.

The war against me and myself.

Maybe 6months break is a good time to re-orient myself.
Cuz right now I totally don't want to serve yet I totally want to serve when I go overseas.
Hahaha. Sheesh..haha..complex girl!

But I guess at least like what Eu Pui says...it's better to be struggling than dead.