Being real

The Velveteen Rabbit

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, to his friend the Skin Horse. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

******************************************************

I must admit it is tough to be real. You lower down your defenses, exposure your weakness and allow people to peer at the broken pieces of your heart. It puts you in a defenceless, vulnerable position. Yet for a Christian it is so essential to be real, for until and unless we admit that we need a Savior, we can't be saved. Plus, until we lower down our masks, can anyone see the tears we cry to give a supporting hand?

As hard as it is to be real, I realize it's even harder to love someone who's real. Especially in the realm of *cough* bgr...haha.

After all, when another person is real, he/she exposes his/her weaknesses and fragilities. Naturally as humans, we tend to "choose" the strongest, the bravest, the "most spiritual", the most stable, the one least likely to annoy us etc....
Of course, this is not wrong..and yes, we should be careful when deciding on our future partner...after all it's a lifetime agreement with no refunds we are entering into.

Yet, sometimes we may run the risk of choosing someone who wears his/her masks well than someone who's real. It is far easier to fall in love with the seemingly perfect person than another who dares to admit his/her weakness. Likewise, it's easier to be the "perfect" person and keep hidden all our quirky habits and unique personalities than to be who we really are for the fear of rejection from the other party.

No wonder it's sometimes easier to fall for someone we hardly know than our close friends.

For we know our friends inside out; all the things that make them angry, depressed, sad, their failures, their insecurities. And of course, they know all our neuroticities, our fears, our weakness as well.

Where as with a someone that we might not know so well, we might subconsciously project our ideal qualities on them. After all, if we have never seen him/her get angry we might just well assume he/she never gets mad...or since we barely know how he/she reacts to a situation, in our love strucked hearts we might just think he/she handles everything well.

Immature love will choose someone who looks the most dashing in his armour or her makeup.

But mature love is a love that looks at all imperfection and still says, "Hey, I know you are this and this and that...but still I choose to love you because I see beyond your imperfections, just as you see beyond mine. Let's work together in this journey to overcome our imperfections, but lets accept each other just as we are as well."

Of course, it's easier said than done. Again as I said before, the more you know a person, the more you'd come to discover his/her good qualities AND imperfection as well...(vice versa too).

But given a choice, would you (or I) want to spend our lives with a masked person (just like the man in the iron mask)
or someone who'd allow us to look into his/her eyes?

Someone who's immaculately dressed without a hair out of place?
or someone we can just lounge in pyjamas with?

Someone who has perfect grammar and tenses?
Or someone who we can just laugh with?

But most importantly,

Someone who may seem perfect by hidding from us..
or...someone who trusts us enough to be real with us...
...and ...someone we trust enough to be real too as well...

Truly as the story of the velveteen rabbit goes...
"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

So yea, by being real, we might appear ugly to those who don't understand....
Yet...only when we truly allow ourselves to be real and in the process learn to love another who's real...

"When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

we can be sure that love will last a long, long time...

Disclaimer...this doesn't mean going to everybody and anybody with your deepest and darkest secrets...haha...but simply being real, honest and accountable to people dear to you.