Jumbled thoughts
Exam is over...for good I hope!!
Now that the huge block of exam is over...there's more time to just b-r-e-a-t-h-e.
I guess a time to think, a time to reflect...and a time to "date" God.. (haha, don't laugh...after all isn't He our 1st love?)
Maybe there's too many thoughts and emotions that have been shelved away due to the exam. And yes, while I AM relieved that the exam IS over, suddenly I feel like a whirlpool of thoughts come stiring up in the brain.
Like plans on what to do after the exam...
there's TOO much I want to do, lots and lots of oppurtunities I am thankful for.
I want to really squeeze to the max this time...but there's just too much to choose from
I would love to do research/field work, or hop on board Doulos for 2 months, or go to Australia earlier, or simply go back and spend time with my dear family. PLUS, STUDY for Clinical school (haha this is 1 thing I really need to do...cuz I always end up breaking my resolution and slack like mad).
I would like to take the time to tie up the strings in IMU, like really spend time with the junior girls, ease the cg to transition, do research+mission work (wow, a 2 in 1 combo!)...
yet I really really long to share giggles with my sisters, learn from my father-I really know that following him around in clinic for 2 months would really deepen our bond, lie in the bed and chat with my mum.
I would love to explore Cambodia more with Doulos, yet I also know I want to care for my sisters, to whom no "success" or "adventure" in church/missionary ministry could ever compare to.
Why am I writing this on a blog??? HAHAHA.
I don't know.
Maybe writing helps to put at least a sense of sensibility in the different trains of thoughts arriving at the station of my brain.
Of course, there's the other "problem."
I really don't know why I am still plagued, I truly thought my motives were right. But I guess despite myself, the heart IS deceitful above all things.
But I take comfort in Psalm 19
12 Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Lord, I don't know.
I really don't.
I don't come in the confidence of my "faith" or my "zealousness" nor "passion"
I come in doubt, in weakness..
But I know of 1 thing for sure.
That I have a broken heart.
Yet You are the Lord that heals me.
Have Your way.
and I mean it.
Now that the huge block of exam is over...there's more time to just b-r-e-a-t-h-e.
I guess a time to think, a time to reflect...and a time to "date" God.. (haha, don't laugh...after all isn't He our 1st love?)
Maybe there's too many thoughts and emotions that have been shelved away due to the exam. And yes, while I AM relieved that the exam IS over, suddenly I feel like a whirlpool of thoughts come stiring up in the brain.
Like plans on what to do after the exam...
there's TOO much I want to do, lots and lots of oppurtunities I am thankful for.
I want to really squeeze to the max this time...but there's just too much to choose from
I would love to do research/field work, or hop on board Doulos for 2 months, or go to Australia earlier, or simply go back and spend time with my dear family. PLUS, STUDY for Clinical school (haha this is 1 thing I really need to do...cuz I always end up breaking my resolution and slack like mad).
I would like to take the time to tie up the strings in IMU, like really spend time with the junior girls, ease the cg to transition, do research+mission work (wow, a 2 in 1 combo!)...
yet I really really long to share giggles with my sisters, learn from my father-I really know that following him around in clinic for 2 months would really deepen our bond, lie in the bed and chat with my mum.
I would love to explore Cambodia more with Doulos, yet I also know I want to care for my sisters, to whom no "success" or "adventure" in church/missionary ministry could ever compare to.
Why am I writing this on a blog??? HAHAHA.
I don't know.
Maybe writing helps to put at least a sense of sensibility in the different trains of thoughts arriving at the station of my brain.
Of course, there's the other "problem."
I really don't know why I am still plagued, I truly thought my motives were right. But I guess despite myself, the heart IS deceitful above all things.
But I take comfort in Psalm 19
12 Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Lord, I don't know.
I really don't.
I don't come in the confidence of my "faith" or my "zealousness" nor "passion"
I come in doubt, in weakness..
But I know of 1 thing for sure.
That I have a broken heart.
Yet You are the Lord that heals me.
Have Your way.
and I mean it.
posted by Sarah at 11:01 AM
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