Seasons

Every Season: Nicole Nordeman

every evening sky, an invitation to trace the pattern stars
and early in july, celebration for freedom that is ours
and I notice you in childrens games in those who watched them from the shade
every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder you are summer

and even when the trees, have just surrendered to the harvest time
forfeiting their leaves in late September and sending us inside,
still I notice you when change begins and I embace for colder winds
I will offer thanks, for what has been and whats to come you are autumn

and everything in time, and under heaven finally falls asleep
wrapped in blankets white, all creation shivers underneath
and still I notice you, when branches crack and in my breath on frosted glass
even now in death, you open doors for life to enter you are winter

and everything that's new, has bravely survived teaching us to breathe
what was frozen through, is newly purposed turning all things green,
so it is with you and how you make me new, with every seasons change
and so it will be, as you are all creating me summer, autumn, winter, spring

Sigh! So super nostalgic now. I feel like I want to go back to IMU and study again, not because I want to fail etc, but, I miss the way life was. Maybe it wasn't always so happening, nor always extremely happy...yet, it was beautiful. I guess I really don't like transitions nor the change to move out from the comfort zone.

Uncertainties. Changes. Unsettledness. A sense of loss. Having to start back all over again. PLUS the fact that I'm not going to be studying till Jan and thus have nothing to keep me occupied or distract me from feeling melancholic.

I really dislike moving from one place to another and moving out of my room has unsettled me to a certain extend. Coupled with the fact that IMU life has really ended, and the "hope" harboured for so long is really impossible.....makes me want to turn back the clock back. Added with fever from the tetanus jab, all my fears just feel amplified.

A part of me is fearful for what the next phase in life would be. Will depression hit me, will I be lonely in Australia? Can I cope being a "mother" to my sister? Can I cope with the workload in UNSW? Will I find great friends like those I found in IMU? Would I find my niche in serving in Australia, just like how I felt so at home in cf, cg, church..etc..in IMU? Would I start to stray away from God whose presence has been so real to me in IMU? Would I fall into wrong relationships there? Would I lose my sense of calling and purpose; being unwilling to come back to Malaysia if God calls me?

Changes. Changes. Yet a part of me knows it will be exciting and fruitful when changes are surrendered to God. I guess when changes take place, there's no longer familiarity to fall back on anymore, but do or die, to trust in God.

So Lord, haha, here we go! :)